<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(//www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/5639728225377287673?origin\x3dhttps://v-elikolani.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

I won't tell you, i won't let you see.
What you mean,
Cause you mean everything.

Entries About Idols Links




Nowhere to go.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 // 9:51 PM

First post of 2013.
I'm really grateful for 2012.
All the ups and downs through out the year.
well, mainly ups for the beginning of the year and lots of downs point nearing the end.
Some lessons for that year made me stronger and at times, break me... where at a point in my life, i placed myself in my own world, my escape, only opening doors to my friends i met on twitter, which i now proudly call them my girls, my bffs, my sisters, i'm so blessed and grateful for them.

So much has changed for the past year,
new friends made in the first semester of college, new hobbies, new goals (evil regal get healthy challenge),  joined in the evil regal family, met people from all over the world via twitter through the evil regal family. friendship broken, some stronger, some new friendship made, bonded with my cousins. the birth of my baby sister, college life, competitions, had a company of my own, realizing that i might have found the true me but yet confused, new favorite kind of music, found a few of my flaws, cost myself so much misery by keeping everything to myself. those little moments with my baby sister, visited my bff's house and her family, first christmas gift exchange with my clique, first time ever in my life sending mail overseas, couldn't get off twitter and whatsapp cause of my girls, new commitments in life, neglected my studies for the first half of second semester.

I have been reflecting last night, until i couldn't sleep, besides the terrible headache and tightness in my chest. Sometimes, i feel so numb. I got reminded why in the first place i have those walls around me, then i remembered why i let them down, then realizing that i shouldn't have. After all the lessons i am supposed to learn from in high school, still....

new year new me? idk, that is so cliche
new year resolutions? i see no point in that, cause most of the time i don't do them.
still, every year, people always hope for the best for the new year, then at the end of the year, they do reflection for that year, realized it wasn't good at all and hope for the best next year, and the cycle continues every year.


I realized that i am a mess, i don't deserve all that. i'm sorry.
sorry for everything.
i know i am going to regret publishing this post, but what the heck, i don't care, i don't want to care anymore. hurts.
goodbye.